Lost loves and failed relationships: what happened in the past when a relationship went wrong and children were involved?

Whether married or not, if a man left the mother of his child because their relationship broke down this left the mother in a difficult situation. 

In the census we often see grandchildren living with their grandparents while the mother is working away from home, perhaps in domestic service. When you find children living with their grandparents, dig a little deeper to work out who they all are.

In Scotland, at one time most children took the surname of their father whether their parents were married or not. After 1855 however, the child would usually be registered under the mother’s surname. 

Generally speaking, it is easy to identify children on the maternal line as we find them with their mother or her family. What about on the paternal line? And how can we discover the background to this relationship?

Top tip #1

Search the Scottish Paternity Index for your male ancestors only. Leave all information about the mother blank and see if your ancestors fathered children you know nothing about. 

This index is predominantly an index to Sheriff Court records where the mother took the father of her child to court to force him to pay maintenance for the child. This can include unmarried mothers but also married women abandoned by their husbands.

You can search for free here: https://www.scottishindexes.com/paternitysearch.aspx 

Top tip #2

Check the Kirk Session records. Sadly there are very few indexes but the records themselves are free to browse on ScotlandsPeople. Look for the parish where your ancestors lived and read through the minutes. As well as finding cases of fornication you may find other entries relating to your family too. 

There’s no index but they are free to access on https://www.scotlandspeople.gov.uk/

Top tip #3

A man who did not support his family could find himself in prison. Search Scotland's Criminal Database to discover who spent some time in prison. Again, these would include fathers of illegitimate children and men who refused to support their families. If you find a man in a civil prison there's a higher chance it’s this type of case.

Search here: https://www.scottishindexes.com/ScotlandsCriminalDatabase.aspx 

Top tip #4

Search poor law records. If a mother could not provide for her children she may have asked for assistance from the parish. These records may give a clue as to who the father of the child was. In the case of married women they may also indicate why the relationship broke down. 

Sadly these records are not all in one place. Use our free article her to locate the records for the area your family lived in: https://www.scottishindexes.com/learningpoor.aspx

Top tip #5

Divorce in Scotland was rare historically but it did happen. In fact, abandoned or mistreated women may have been given financial assistance to divorce or separate from their husbands. From 1830 until 1984, all divorce cases were dealt with by the Court of Session and the online catalogue of the National Records of Scotland may reveal if your ancestors were divorced. Find out more here: https://www.nrscotland.gov.uk/research/research-guides/research-guides-a-z/court-of-session-records